


How Soon Is Now?

by uv_duv



Series: Hell's Heart [3]
Category: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
Genre: Angst, Bath Time, Canon-Typical Violence, Edging, F/M, Fluff, M/M, On the Run, Orgasm Denial, Road Trips
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:34:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25572178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uv_duv/pseuds/uv_duv
Summary: Nandor insists on keeping his and Guillermo’s new relationship and intimate activities a secret, making sure to keep both his distance and Guillermo’s virginity intact. Guillermo is losing his patience and his mind."Guillermo was annoyed that Nandor insisted on sitting separately every time they hit the road. That he barely looked at him. And that, yeah, he was close to exploding with sexual frustration."
Relationships: Guillermo de la Cruz/Nandor the Relentless, Laszlo Cravensworth/Nadja
Series: Hell's Heart [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1845076
Comments: 21
Kudos: 106





	How Soon Is Now?

Nandor and Guillermo were glaring at each other, soaking wet in a tiny bathroom in a run-down motel in Pennsylvania. 

“Can I borrow a shirt?” Guillermo asked snarkily, pulling the water-logged sleeves of his white dress shirt back down and flicking water at Nandor. Nandor sighed, defeated, and left the bathroom, returning with dry clothes for both of them. The silence and close proximity was intensely awkward. 

“Did I... do something wrong?” Guillermo asked more quietly, shucking his soaking wet dress shirt into the tub of drenched silk sheets with a slopping sound. 

“No, I was just caught a little off guard,” Nandor replied, squeezing water from his shirt hem onto the floor and not hiding that he was watching Guillermo get undressed. To Guillermo's memory, this was the first time Nandor had ever seen him shirtless.  _ Not ideal circumstances… _ He quickly put on one of Nandor’s sleep shirts, which was thankfully long enough to cover his thighs and wonderfully soft. “Where did you think my hand was going, exactly?” Guillermo asked more pointedly, adjusting his glasses.

Nandor placed his own dry clothes on the toilet seat, having to stretch past Guillermo to do so, and started squeezing water out of his long hair onto the floor, “Forgive me for thinking that the virgin would want to take this slower,” he said under his breath.

There were so many things that Guillermo wanted to say to that. Instead, he just smirked at Nandor, raised his eyebrows suggestively, and rolled up the too-long sleeves of his new shirt past his elbows.

Nandor slept underneath the hotel bed, his feet sticking out the bottom, while Guillermo delicately got in next to Colin Robinson. He regretted this decision immensely. When he woke up, Colin Robinson was spooning him. 

\-----

Laszlo drove again the next night, Nadja up front with him. Nandor refused to sit next to Guillermo.  _ Fine, you giant baby,  _ Guillermo sat on the opposite side in the back with an irritated huff. Guillermo peered out the window, not able to see much in the inky blackness of the night, but let himself savor and wade through the pleasant hazy miasma of his memories of kissing Nandor in the silk tub before Nandor had kicked the water on and ruined everything.  _ That kiss… _

“Where should we go?” Laszlo asked.

“Just... somewhere, it doesn’t matter...” Guillermo said languorously, still looking out the window. Laszlo drove, encouraged by Najda suggesting the coast. 

“So Nandor,” Laszlo started, after they crossed into Maryland.

“Hm?” Nandor replied innocently, looking up from having his head perched on his hand, looking out the window. Guillermo also looked up.

“Care to elaborate on what I walked into last night?”

Nandor puffed out, spreading his legs and arms out like a threatened animal and almost hitting Colin Robinson in the middle seat. “Do you care to elaborate on why you don't knock?! It is what I said, Laszlo! Guillermo was having a nightmare!”

Colin Robinson rejoined, “That doesn’t explain why you smell like you’ve been rubbing yourselves all over each other passionately,” he pointed at both of them, a flash of blue darting across his eyes. 

Guillermo’s face revealed nothing.  _ That’s exactly what happened.  _ “Nothing of the sort!” Nandor postured, his hands on his knees, “It is a simple chain of events. Try to follow. Guillermo was having a nightmare. Okay? I heard him screaming for me. Easy. I went into the bathroom and tried to wake him up, because he was crying so hard, from the scary dream. But! Then! I tripped and fell on top of him, which scared him even more, and he kicked the shower on in his fear. There, okay? It’s not hard.”  _ Well, something was hard.  _

“It makes perfect sense!” Nandor insisted, waving his arms around desperately.

Nadja nodded her head slowly and said, “Yes, I... suppose it checks out.”

Laszlo “harrumphed” and turned towards Guillermo. He asked, “What in hell’s name were you dreaming about?”

All of Guillermo’s actual answers of previous nightmares came to the forefront of his mind at once. Topher chasing him and tearing him apart. Werewolves chasing him and tearing him apart. Black dogs chasing him and tearing him apart. Always screaming for Nandor and never being saved.  _ There was certainly a theme. _

“I was being chased…” Nadja interrupted him to say, “Yes, yes, nightmares. I just want to say, as soon as we got in the car, I noticed immediately that Guillermo doesn’t have that depressing mildew smell anymore.” Laszlo squinted his eyes in confusion. She turned to Laszlo, “You know what I’m talking about, that weird stench that comes from his neglected genitals,” her hands motioning an enormous ballsack. 

Laszlo nodded and clicked back, “Yes, yes you’re right, it’s almost entirely gone...” Guillermo rolled his forehead against the glass window and pressed his fingers into the meat of his neck.  _ They’ll be neglected forever if you guys don’t shut up. _

“Well, I don’t know!” Nandor shouted. “Guillermo, what’s going on with your junk?”

_ Why would you redirect the conversation back to me?!  _ Guillermo’s embarrassment coalesced into anger at Nandor, Laszlo, and Nadja, in roughly that order. He peeled his forehead off of the window to look at Nandor and said, “I guess I’m just getting more confident.” Nandor averted his gaze.

“Well keep it up, Guillermo, because seriously it’s actually bearable in here now,” Nadja said, taking a deep satisfied inhale. 

\-----

Guillermo had slept for most of the ride and didn’t realize how close Laszlo had cut it. They had arrived at a motel less than fifteen minutes before sunrise. They clambered out of the van, the vampires cramped together in the protective darkness of the hallway off the check-in desk. With their jeans and elaborate vaguely Gothic period clothing, they looked like a country Evanescence hybrid cover band, Colin Robinson their normie band manager. Guillermo booked a room that was technically only meant for two. The concierge could not possibly give less of a shit.

The room was predictably horrible. The carpet seemed to be burned in spots and peeling off the floor at the edges. The laminate wood panelling would have still been ugly and cheap in the 70s. No matter. Guillermo needed to run errands and make other arrangements anyway. 

"Hey Colin Robinson, I need to buy some things in town. Do you want to come along?"

Going into town with Colin Robinson was surreal. Mundane tasks, like washing his clothes at a laundromat or buying himself more long sleeve shirts from a run-down corner store, were so disconnected from his recent reality that he almost felt like he was daydreaming. Guillermo was also keenly aware of being the only Mexican person at every establishment he stepped into. He was grateful, strangely enough, for Colin Robinson's presence. As he ate lunch in a dilapidated and mostly deserted cafe, he mentally decided that if anyone asked, his name was Gil. 

What did it say that he was much more comfortable with a trio of ancient blood-drinking unholy abominations than with the constantly staring people of a small rural town? They drove back to the motel at dusk.

"Colin Robinson, do energy vampires have to sleep?"

"Ah, good question. It's optional. For vampires and of course humans it's not, so another point for team energy vampire," Colin Robinson snickered. 

"That's really cool. Do you think you could do something else then, during the day, at the next stop?" Guillermo asked as casually as possible.

"Why?"

Guillermo had prepared a carefully curated version of the truth.

"I need to work through some things with Nandor." 

"Oh, of course. So what exactly--"

Guillermo decided to change the subject abruptly. It had worked for Nandor in the past.

"I was also wondering, would staking an energy vampire through the heart kill them?" Guillermo could see Colin Robinson looking at him from the corner of his eye with a leery expression. He hadn't intended to go with such an aggressive question, especially since Colin Robinson agreed to get out of his and Nandor's very tangled figurative hair, but it was a genuine question he had.

"Yes it would. I guess you didn't realize on account of the sheer number, but you did ice Pamela at the theater. Pamela! Oh well," Colin Robinson shrugged, "Death comes for us all, don't it."

Guillermo supposed it did.

Colin Robinson continued, "Of course, to be fair, a wooden stake through the heart works on humans too."

\-----

At the next hotel, somewhere in rural Virginia, Guillermo nudged Nandor when Colin Robinson took his leave to feed for the day. Then Guillermo made meaningful eye contact with Nandor, who completely missed it and stared back at him in aggressive confusion.  _ Fine. _ Guillermo could explain and take the credit later. He couldn’t help but be proud of himself for securing a bed for them without Colin Robinson. 

Guillermo came out of the bathroom wearing Nandor’s sleep shirt. Nandor said, “So you were out on the town all day and didn’t have the time to purchase your own pajamas?” 

“Nope.” 

“Well, why don’t you buy your own when you leave again tomorrow?” Nandor snapped.

“I took care of all of my errands,” Guillermo said flatly.

“Apparently not,” Nandor said, disappearing into the bathroom, presumably to change into sleep clothes on his own.

_ Was he mad that I left yesterday?  _ Guillermo debated going after him in the bathroom but Nadja and Laszlo were arguing over something that Laszlo forgot to pack, which reminded Guillermo that they were there. It’d be so much easier if they could just talk openly. Guillermo got into bed, the side closest to the window. He had triple checked the curtain and covered the edges with extra capes.

Nandor returned from the bathroom close to an hour later in sleep clothes and threw the outfit he changed out of on the bed.

“Fold that please.”

Guillermo sat up. “I’m not going to magically do things for you because you say please now,” he said through gritted teeth. 

Nandor shot him a look but didn’t say anything. Then he made a show of building a wall of cloth between him and Guillermo out of his own capes.  _ It's actually more suspicious than if you didn’t make a big deal of it, _ Guillermo thought to himself, but after the horrendous conversation in the car and Nandor’s distant and passive-aggressive behavior he didn't expect anything anyway. Clothes folded and put away, Guillermo rolled over onto his side, luxuriating in the feeling of a real bed, Colin Robinson-free, for the first time in days. Maybe Nandor would relax at the next stop. Guillermo fell asleep easily. 

The sound of Nandor snoring cartoonishly woke him. He covered his ears in annoyance; Nandor was like a jet engine.  _ Fucking seriously? _ When Guillermo couldn't stand it anymore, he reached his arm through the pile of capes and shoved Nandor. Suddenly, the snoring stopped completely and there was a dramatic release of tension in the bed, all of Nandor's weight disappearing at once as if he disintegrated into thin air.

The pile of capes shifted to the other side of the bed where Nandor had been laying. A hand rolled Guillermo over onto his back. Guillermo's heart beating at a steady clip and his own breathing were some of the only sounds he could hear. He genuinely wasn't sure if he was dreaming, it was so unexpected and eerie. There was a subtle shift in the air above him and he knew.  _ Nandor... _ In the darkness of the room, he could feel Nandor's hair tickle his neck and chest, knew him by his smell, could just see the faintest shades of his face as Nandor descended to kiss him. 

Guillermo's chest fluttered in relief and excitement. He moaned softly at the sensation of Nandor's lips lightly playing with his and reached for him, pulled him down on top of himself. He actually started lifting off of the bed instead, but then Nandor let his entire body sink fully on top of Guillermo, pushing him back down into the mattress slowly. Nandor kissed Guillermo's cheeks, his jaw, his neck, making Guillermo breathe harder. Guillermo's arms were wrapped around Nandor, his hands clenching the soft fabric of his shirt, while Nandor's fingers lightly stroked Guillermo's face and his hip under his loose sleep trousers. Guillermo felt so hot, the blush taking over his face and starting to feel it in his cock too. When Nandor rolled his hips into Guillermo's open legs, he kissed Guillermo deeply to keep him from whining. The sensation was divine torture, the friction and pressure a holy hell.  _ God please have mercy... _ One of Guillermo's hands clutched Nandor's ass and he started grinding into his hard cock, arching his entire body, the pulsing hot pleasure driving him insane. 

Nandor floated away from Guillermo slightly when the mattress creaked, but Guillermo wrapped his legs around him and came up with him. Guillermo broke their kiss and whispered, "Can we..?" the need and lust dripping off of the question. 

Nandor clasped a hand over Guillermo's neck. It was not gentle. His mouth was cold against Guillermo’s ear. "We can not. Stop making noise or I will stop."

The authoritative tone and the hand on his throat were both utterly electric. Guillermo shuddered and obeyed.

Just before he was going to cum, Nandor hovered above him and pinned Guillermo’s hands down to the mattress, nibbling his neck and smothering him with his loose hair. Guillermo laid there in the dark, biting his own lip, his cock aching for attention, not able to even touch himself, wanting to die from the denial but exhilarated by the control. 

The next few days were very similar. 

\-----

"Does anyone else think it's weird that we haven't been attacked by the Vampiric Council at all so far?" Colin Robinson asked the van one night.

Guillermo was annoyed that Nandor insisted on sitting separately every time they hit the road. That he barely looked at him. And that, yeah, he was close to exploding with sexual frustration. "They might have run out," Guillermo said with an edge in his voice.

"Run out?" Nadja asked, puzzled.

"I've been killing their assassins for months. They might just be out," Guillermo stated, not looking at Nandor. 

There was a pregnant pause and then Colin Robinson said, "...G-damn, Guillermo." 

\-----

The pile of capes was a constant fixture in Nandor and Guillermo's beds. Even in a small bed and breakfast near the coast of South Carolina, despite having their own room. Nadja had wanted to see the ocean at night and Guillermo seized the opportunity to suggest a bed and breakfast for this very reason. He was thrilled that they went with it. Even better, she and Laszlo were walking along the beach together, hunting hand in hand. Guillermo had simply glared at Colin Robinson and he vanished as well.

Guillermo was trying to let go of Nandor's overcompensating distance, hoping that with more privacy Nandor would relax.  _ It had only been a few days, really. _ It wasn’t totally ridiculous that they would both need time to process this. 

Nandor had just come back from hunting, his mouth covered in some dead stranger’s blood. Guillermo closed and locked the door, commenting on how cute the place was. Nandor surprised him when he said, "You are cuter," and bopped his nose, leaving a spot of blood. It made Guillermo blush and smile. He just didn't expect such a cheesy line from Nandor. Guillermo’s maneuver for a private bedroom was already paying off.  _ Being alone allowed Nandor to be so much more… adorable? _ Guillermo wiped the blood off of his own nose and then cleaned Nandor’s mouth and beard in the bathroom, which was much more charming than any of the previous motels. It had a huge clawfoot tub and yellow wall paper covered with repeating patterns of palm trees and stars. Nandor surprised him again when he picked him up by his hips and pinned him to the bathroom door as easily as though he were a stuffed animal. Guillermo's mouth hung open when he looked at Nandor.  _ Fuck. _

His eyes were liquid fire as he kissed Guillermo. Guillermo wrapped his hands in his hair, moaning against him as Nandor traced his teeth against his neck, just like he had during their confrontation at the house.  _ God, maybe this is what he intended?  _

"I want you to fuck me so bad…" Guillermo moaned.

Nandor ground his hips against Guillermo hard and said into his ear, "The others will know."

"So? What am I, your dirty little secret?" 

Nandor lifted him off of the door and into the tub. Guillermo didn’t hesitate, he threw his sweater towards the door as fast as he could and was thrilled when he heard Nandor’s cape flutter to the floor. He was almost out of his corduroys when a fully naked Nandor entered the tub and pulled them the rest of the way off.  _ So you can undress yourself quickly,  _ Guillermo thought with a mental chuckle. Once Guillermo’s underwear was slingshotted across the room, Nandor started the tap, the warm water slowly filling the tub. 

Guillermo paused for a moment, appreciating that this was the first time they were both naked together. Nandor seemed to pick up on it, his warm eyes gliding up and down Guillermo's body appreciatively. He didn't need to say anything to make Guillermo feel beautiful. Nandor stroked his hands up Guillermo's thighs, slid his palm across Guillermo's cock, stroked up his sides as he climbed on top of him. Guillermo arched into his touch and whimpered, his head lolling against the smooth edge of the tub.

"...Would that be so bad?" Nandor said in a low voice into Guillermo's ear. 

He held back a sob as Nandor rocked his thigh between his legs. 

Guillermo supposed not.

Nandor ran his hands over Guillermo’s torso slowly. He nibbled on the space between Guillermo's neck and his shoulder without breaking the skin, and Guillermo wondered if this was as torturous for Nandor as it was for him. What they were both holding themselves back from. 

“I have an idea. Show me how to please you…” Guillermo panted, looking beseechingly into Nandor’s eyes, his hands on his chest. The water was past their waists now.

“I don’t know…”

“We’re already bathing, right? So we won’t smell like each other. I’ll still be a virgin. It’s a victimless crime…” Guillermo said, looking into Nandor's eyes with as sultry an expression as he could, drawing circles on Nandor’s chest, the warm water still rising. 

Nandor replied, "We don't have the necessary equipment. Do you want to completely ruin this bathroom?" sweeping his head to indicate the walls.

"Yes." 

Nandor chuckled and said, "Patience, Guillermo," and bopped his nose again. 

Guillermo was reminded all too much of conversations with Nandor from years earlier when he used to ask when Nandor was going to turn him into a vampire. He tried to remember that in this case it's only been a few days.  _ But it's also kind of been years…  _ The water was up to their chests. Nandor readjusted himself, turning away from Guillermo to turn off the tap. Based on those past conversations, Guillermo knew that Nandor would pull away.

"I totally get it if this is too familiar-y," Nandor said, as though it was typical for him and Guillermo to bathe naked together, "but I was wondering if you would still wash my hair. It always feels so good, Guillermo."  _ Someday you'll say that about something else.  _ Nandor craned his head back to dip his hair in the water and smiled hopefully up at Guillermo. It was cute. But Guillermo recognized this, too. This was Nandor's usual tactic, changing the subject and distracting Guillermo with something appealing but still less enticing than what he really wanted. He knew that, but gave in for now. 

"I always liked washing your hair. You have beautiful hair," Guillermo said, stroking Nandor's hairline with his thumb.

"Better than Laszlo's?"

"What? Yes, it's not even a competition," Guillermo laughed. 

He took off his glasses and grabbed one of the tiny shampoo bottles, squeezing it into his hands. With years of practice, he messaged it into Nandor's hair, the way he knew he liked it. Nandor let his head sink into Guillermo's hands, his mouth slightly open, eyes hooded in total relaxation. It wasn’t exactly the head that Guillermo wanted to rub, but he still enjoyed making Nandor feel good in whatever way he would allow.

"Guillermo… So nice…" Nandor moaned. Guillermo felt a very familiar mix of arousal and confusion. He ignored Nandor's moans, the way he said his name, and was rinsing Nandor's hair with water cupped in his palms when Nandor surprised him again. 

"In the car, you said you've been killing the assassins. And then there was the theater. And I saw you kill, on the road. And there was Carol. Guillermo… how many have you killed?" Nandor's tone was impossible to decipher and he was still facing away. 

Guillermo blinked at him. "Um… Do you really want to know?" 

Nandor turned back around. "Yes. I want to know. Everything," he said, bordering on a command. He placed a hand on Guillermo's upper arm. Seeing his face wasn't as helpful as Guillermo thought it would be.

He took a deep breath and told Nandor all of them from the beginning, even the ones he already knew about, but how they had happened and how Guillermo felt about it. Baron Afanas. The guard at the trial. How he had felt so guilty and scared. And then the assassins during the summer. How he had found a rhythm, it felt natural, it started to become easy and even routine. He didn't know exactly how many but it was multiple vampires a week. Struggling to hide it from Nandor. It felt like he split open his own ribs to show Nandor everything, every dripping ugly detail of what he had become. He anticipated Nandor throwing the doors shut or flinching away from the gristle. For the first time in his memory, Nandor was listening to his every word intently. He didn’t interrupt, didn’t look away from Guillermo, didn't move his hand. 

"Then I… I found a group of people trying to be slayers. I thought they were mosquito collectors, which, you know, sounded like virgin central, but it was a cover..." Nandor noticed when he hesitated. Guillermo swallowed and missed having his sweater on to rub between his fingertips. Or a sleeve to smooth down. He gripped his knees under the water and watched the ripples. 

Nandor held Guillermo's chin gently in his damp hand and said, "What is it? I will not judge you," and kissed him on his forehead. Guillermo had to swallow back tears.

"I thought they were going to our house. It was some other vampire family. I wasn't going to go in, but, but then they all did. They were so fucked… One of them did die.” Guillermo held his face in his wet hands, thinking of Derek. His hands started to shake. His voice quavered. “The play wasn't a lie, Nandor. I did it."

Guillermo took a shuddering breath and looked at Nandor. "I didn't tell you because I was scared. But I've known since the DNA test. I'm a descendant of Van Helsing." Guillermo rubbed his neck and laughed nervously.

Guillermo wrapped his arms around himself. He was shaking. "Isn't that ridiculous? I never wanted this…" 

"I never wanted to be a vampire either, and yet here we are," Nandor held Guillermo's hands in his under the water. 

Guillermo squeezed them tight. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for holding those stakes up to you when I killed Carol. I'm sorry for everything that happened a few nights ago. I would never do anything to hurt you, but sometimes I can't help it."

Nandor rubbed Guillermo's wrist scars and said, "I understand perfectly." 

\-----

They washed each other clean. 

\-----

Guillermo toweled off and put on Nandor’s sleep shirt.

“You’re never getting this back, by the way.” 

“Do you want to bet on it?” Nandor raised an eyebrow, “I’ll have it back by the end of the day.”

“You’re welcome to try,” Guillermo replied with a coy smile, rolling up the sleeves. Nandor spread the capes out on the bed, lush rugs of red, black, and gold. Guillermo laid on top of them, with come-hither eyes. A very enticing pearl. Nandor came-hither. 

“Before that…” Nandor said, brushing Guillermo’s hair behind his ear, “On a serious note, do you have to murder vampires the same way we have to eat humans? Do you need help finding some? I know it’s been a long time since that girl in the road. Is it like… do you have your own kind of… I guess, insatiable vampire lust?”

Guillermo laughed hard and shook his head no.

“It really doesn’t work that way, thank goodness. I do have insatiable lust for one particular vampire…” he said, pulling Nandor on top of him.

\-----

Nandor still made him sit apart from him in the van.

Yes, it was annoying, and yes, it made Guillermo angrier with every passing night that he did it, but they had agreed that at the next motel, Nandor would finally let Guillermo get him off. Guillermo was so excited at the prospect that he was willing to let a lot of things go. Maybe it would be his turn soon. At least it was a step in the right direction.

They didn’t drive far, the urgency fading with the passing of each uneventful night. They stopped in the city of Savannah, Georgia for all of them to feed. Guillermo ate at a restaurant in the historic district, and while it was a little strange to have Nandor sit next to him and watch him eat, he could almost imagine it was a date. Later that night, they walked the streets along Forsyth Park, looking for a victim for Nandor together. 

“Guillermo, what about that man?” “The guy with the shirt that says ‘Twenty dollars is twenty dollars’? Definitely obnoxious but not a virgin.” “What are people doing for twenty dollars?” Guillermo chuckled and didn’t answer the question.  _ What I’m doing for you later, for free. _

“What about her?” Guillermo pointed to a girl leaving a bar, alone, her mascara running down her face. “Mm, she was just crying, that is weird for me.” “Fair.”

“Oo Nandor, Nandor,” Guillermo tapped on his arm, “That guy with the backwards hat. I guarantee he’s never gone past first base.” “What does this have to do with bases now? What base? You mean in an orchestra?” “I just mean he’s never kissed anyone.” “Just say that! I think he’s it, Guillermo, can you…?”

Guillermo walked ahead of Nandor and asked backwards hat boy, “Dónde está… park?” It was the next block over, but Guillermo pretended to speak English poorly and convinced the guy to walk with him. Once they were beyond easy view from the street, Nandor yanked him up into a tree and tore his throat. Nandor threw his body into some bushes and levitated down to Guillermo. 

“You are a good partner. Delicious virgin,” Nandor licked additional blood from his teeth, his eyes reflecting the street lamps. 

“Do you mean him or me?” Guillermo asked with a grin. They both knew the answer. He wiped Nandor’s face and took a quick look around the park. No one. He stood up on his tip toes to give Nandor a quick kiss and was delighted that Nandor allowed it, kissed him back. Guillermo really liked Savannah and hoped that he and Nandor could visit again, someday. 

\-----

Guillermo split off from Nandor in the park and went to a grocery store for supplies. He stuffed a lighter, crepe paper, and a squeegee into a paper bag and also bought some snacks for plausible deniability. Candles were a more niche item that he picked up from a boutique. He got back to the van first and stuffed the bag in the back without a word to the others. 

The drive to the motel was filled with Guillermo imagining the evening. Once they arrived, he took the bag and made sure they all saw him take a bag of chips from it. Then he glared at Colin Robinson, who promptly left, and made a beeline for the bathroom, stashing the bag under the sink. He laid awake on the bed, facing away from Nandor and the wall of capes for propriety, and waited until Nadja and Laszlo finished having sex and were both definitely asleep before squeezing Nandor’s shoulder and heading for the bathroom.

Guillermo had just finished lighting all of the candles, arranging them around the tub, the floor, and the sink counter to set the mood. The squeegee was leaning against the wall and the lip of the tub. He flung the crepe paper over the shower curtain rod and smiled at himself. He couldn’t wait. He did a small dance of excitement before taking his clothes off and stepping into the tub. He sank into the warm water and breathed deeply, steadying his nerves as best he could.

His heart rose as he heard Nandor’s footsteps coming towards the bathroom door. His heart sank when he heard Laszlo’s voice.

“Nandor… if I open that door right now, what am I going to see?”

“Probably a normal human bathroom. What an odd question. It was lovely chatting, ciao!” Guillermo guessed that Nandor tried to move past Laszlo, who probably stopped him.

“Let me try again. What exactly are you and Guillermo doing in there? It’s bizarre. Every day you smell more and more like each other, but Guillermo is still a full virgin.”  _ Guess the bath didn’t work. _ “It’s like… I don’t know, it’s like you’re all over each other, and yet not having sex, and why the fuck would you do that?”  _ Couldn’t agree more, Laszlo. _

“Laszlo, your accusation could not be less accurate. I am more repulsed by Guillermo than ever.”  _ So you've been repulsed by me?  _ Guillermo sunk deeper into the bath water.

“I haven’t accused you of anything, I’m genuinely asking you what the fuck is going on.”

“You are going to say I’ve gone soft for my terrifying familiar… But one, he is not my familiar anymore, so don’t say it because it’s not even right.”

“I'm not saying it. Go on.”

“We just talk. It’s not like I love him.”  _ Don’t even suggest that! Goddammit. _ “He definitely doesn’t love me, after everything I’ve done to the poor guy.”  _ That’s your cover?! _ “He’s just, he’s been through a lot, Laszlo. I am trying to be a better friend to him. He did save our lives.”  _ Fucking finally. _

“You’re right, that’s soft as hell and I detest it. He’s really gotten under your skin, hasn’t he?”

Nandor sighed. “Look, I am going to tell you something...” Nandor’s voice dropped and Guillermo had to get out of the tub, grab his glasses, pull on his clothes while soaking wet, and creep to the door to hear him say, “...to keep him happy with our chats so that he doesn’t sell us out to the Vampiric Council.”  _ That’s not… a terrible lie. _

“The Vampiric Council that we’ve seen neither hide nor hair of? They haven’t done shit, Nandor. Your little… whatever he is, said as much, he killed all of their goons. Ate them, for all we know.” 

The door handle started turning but then there was a dull thump against the door. Laszlo trying to open the door and Nandor leaning against it, Guillermo assumed. He stayed stock-still, crouching on the linoleum floor, water soaking through his sweater.

“There’s more, Laszlo,” Nandor whispered even lower. Guillermo had to put his ear up to the door.

“I’m listening…”

“He is a descendent of Van Helsing.” 

_ What the fuck. _

“Do you know that he did murder that family? He told me that.” 

Guillermo bit his own hand hard enough that it bled to stop from screaming in fury. His entire body was eaten up with white hot boiling rage.  _ I trusted you. You didn't make it a single goddamn day. _

“Wow. You’re sure then? Fucking astonishing. Never would have guessed that, but it is always the quiet ones.”

“So you see now. I am protecting us. There is no telling what he is capable of.”  _ I am going to tear your fucking head off by your hair. _

“Would’ve appreciated you explaining that sooner, but that makes much more sense. Thank you for taking one for the team, Nandor,” Laszlo patted his shoulder. 

“Naturally, I would like it if you didn’t tell Nadja or Colin Robinson, I don’t want to scare them.”

“Oh yes, mum’s the word old boy. Good luck in there.”

_ You’ll need it. _

\----- 

Guillermo stood from the floor as Nandor opened the door. Nandor was wearing his coat with the fur collar and no shirt underneath. When Nandor saw the decorations, he beamed.

“Guillermo! You’ve really set the scene!” he said brightly, stepping towards Guillermo and looking down at him. The wide smile drooped off of his face when he saw Guillermo’s livid expression.

“Is something wrong?”

“Yes something is fucking wrong,” Guillermo hissed.  _ I want to rip you in half.  _ His arms were shaking at his sides. 

“What? Do you not like this coat?” Nandor was genuinely lost, reaching for Guillermo.

Guillermo slapped his hand away and spat, “Don’t fucking touch me.”

“...Was that not the whole idea? Am I missing something? ...We talked about this.” Nandor’s voice got quiet, pleading. He didn’t step closer. 

“You told Laszlo,” Guillermo could barely say it. The rest backed up in his throat. He was so angry and so upset that just trying to talk coherently was a monumental achievement.

“...Ah. So you could hear that.” Nandor’s shoulders sunk down. He held his hands in front of him, fidgeting with a ring. He didn't look at Guillermo.

“Yes, I could hear that! That all of you are scared of me. That you found me repulsive." He wrapped his arms around himself, feeling the texture of his sweater. "That you--I trusted you and you immediately turned around and… and…” Guillermo closed his eyes.

“You betrayed me...” He couldn’t keep the tears back anymore.  _ Like you have so many times. What did I expect? _

Guillermo felt like a thunderstorm, just as much rain as lightning. It started to hit Guillermo that it really had been less than a week and Nandor could just be rolling with it, using him as much as he could get away with without losing his friends, and would abandon him as soon as he could. As soon as Nandor knew they were safe without his… bodyguard, monster, pet? _What was ten years compared to centuries? He would never choose you._

Guillermo sat on the edge of the tub, tears dripping on the tile floor. His stomach hurt. At least with becoming a familiar, he understood and agreed to the terms. Nandor made sure of it. But now... He wiped at his eyes and looked up at Nandor. He was afraid of the answer but had to ask the question. 

“Do you actually care about me?” Guillermo sucked in air to stop crying.  _ Why did I ask? _

Nandor crouched down, wiped away some of Guillermo’s tears, and leaned in to kiss him but Guillermo turned his head away. Nandor grabbed his chin. Guillermo wrenched Nandor's wrist away from his face.

“That wasn’t the question,” Guillermo’s eyes flickered dangerously.

“I care about you, Guillermo…” Nandor whispered, averting his gaze.

Guillermo knocked some of the candles into the bathtub. The bathroom got considerably darker.

“That’s not very convincing. You could have told Laszlo that we're together now. But apparently, I'm just a toy you play with in the shadows because you're embarrassed by me," Guillermo said, razor sharp. He was doing everything not to sob again, shaking with barely contained rage. He turned away from Nandor, gripping the edge of the tub with his hands. Nandor placed his hand on both of Guillermo’s, noticing the blood.

"Did I..?" he asked morosely, very quietly, "I've really been trying…"

"No," Guillermo recoiled and pushed Nandor away from him, then stood up and tore the crepe paper off of the shower rod.

"Guillermo… You are not a toy. This is just a delicate situation, okay? When we are back at the house…" Nandor placed his hands on Guillermo's hips.

Guillermo pinned Nandor to the door, the edge of his arm against Nandor’s throat. "Then what, Nandor? More lies? I can't wait!" Guillermo said mockingly. He knew his eyes were righteous fire.  _ I want to burn you alive. _

“I said what I said to get Laszlo to leave us alone. That is all! It doesn’t mean anything. I haven’t lied to you. That should make you happy! So why are you being like this, Guillermo? This is ridiculous!”

Guillermo released him, looking into Nandor's eyes with a hard stare. It could cut glass. There were so many times over the years that Nandor had said essentially the same thing, making Guillermo the guilty party for something that Nandor did. Telling Guillermo how to feel. Making Guillermo apologize for being hurt. Something cracked.

"You're right… you're right, this is ridiculous," Guillermo said, sniffing and shaking his head. He took off Nandor's coat. Nandor slumped against the door, breathing easily and finally relaxing. He stroked Guillermo's head as Guillermo took off his leather trousers too. 

“I can teach you how to do that with your teeth someday…” Nandor purred. 

“I’m sure,” Guillermo ran his hands up Nandor’s thighs, his palm brushing over Nandor's cock, teasing him with light touches, getting him hard, guiding him towards the tub. Nandor shrieked when Guillermo pushed him in. 

“Go fuck yourself, Nandor.” 

Guillermo picked up the squeegee and threw it at him, storming out of the bathroom and slamming the door.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for the kind words! Hope you enjoy this next installment.
> 
> I've been listening to the song "How Soon is Now?" by The Smiths on repeat.


End file.
